When I was first diagnosed with dis-ease (chronic illness), I was young. Preadolescent and able to imagine a life of ease. One where I did not long for peace, because it was right at my fingertips. Two-plus decades later, it takes more work to summon up the courage to dream of what has never come to exist. Especially when the world is hustling and bustling. Chopping down massive trees with nary a thought, and then lugging them home to adorn pleasant pines with tassels and lights and bows. All on the same day.
I imagine a world where Mary, the mother of the Christ Child, felt the same. An angel comes to her and gifts her a message of unfathomable hope, sprinkled with a pain that she can't quite conceive just yet. She is young and tender. Untouched by the world's hurts. In fact, they seem impossible. She will bear a baby who will change the world! The King of kings is hers. And while the angel may have mentioned something about returning him one day... she hasn't gone there yet. Not in body. Not in mind. No, she is the mother of a miracle. What a blessing this will be!
But one day, reality strikes. And Mary finds that she limps through life sometimes. Especially in certain seasons. Just as we all do, physically, mentally, or emotionally, at different times and with different reasons.
I’ve found that we cannot know what hard is until we experience it.
“I’ve found that we cannot know what hard is until we experience it.”
Yet experience it we must - as spiritual beings living in earthly bodies. The questions I have pondered here are these:
Can we experience the hard well?
Can we sit or stand amongst what is too hard and remain whole?
Did Mary?
Though there aren’t any in-depth biblical stories of Mary entering into old age, I would like to imagine that she took what she had... all the challenges and the burdens and the pain of real, raw human life... and she found beauty there. That she blessed the world with the same openhearted “yes” that she once gave to Gabriel, the angel who came to visit with a Heavenly promise. A “yes” that would change everything.
The word yes can be hard, of course.
Do you agree?
This is why I propose that through the holiday season, where there is so much and too much appearing right before us day after day, we consider how we will remain whole.
Here are three ideas to consider as you tackle (or don't tackle) what is hard this year:
1. Consider the meaning of the season, both winter and Christmas.
Winter is the time of year when much of the natural world goes dormant. Bunnies climb into well-made holes beneath broken boughs and cherry-red berries to slumber. A fresh coat of white covers last year's grass. Birds flock to warmer weather. Some humans do, too. And celebrations of life and death collide. The new life of Jesus having much of its meaning in death - that he would offer up all of himself for us.
If we take the time to contemplate this, does it make sense that we would make this season one of hardship? Or, does it feel more aligned to curl up on the couch with a favorite book or movie and a mug full of tea? When new life comes, do we make all the noise (most mothers would promptly say "No, thank you!") or do we meet change with quiet and presence and pause? Does quiet or presence or pause feel like it honors the holiday season for you? If so, dive on in.
Decide what you’ll say no to right now. Or perhaps, try a “partial” no. Is there a family gathering that lasts til midnight, but you’re tuckered out by 10? One year I mentioned this highly-personal struggle to a family member, and she made up a bed for me to rest until my husband was ready to leave!
2. Make a list of what is most meaningful to you during this time of year.
Sometimes, it seems impossible to set ourselves away from what has become the busiest time of year in the modern world. There are actual tasks that must be done. Perhaps chopping firewood to stay warm (or create some much-needed ambiance) or going to a crowded store to purchase the fixings for a feast.
As we make decisions throughout the holiday season, we can ask ourselves: does this task bring me life? And then, upon answering, we get to decide whether we must do it. Sometimes, we must do what we don't really want to. But sometimes we can outsource those things, too. (I personally give thanks for things like grocery delivery for when I need the boring things and someone to drive me to the market when I need/want a fancy cheese!)
Sometimes I like to pick a few words that emphasize how I want to feel during certain seasons, too. When I know that experiences of peace and joy are important soul-food during the holidays, I can make better decisions. For example, if my “cheese run” could be at 10 am when I know the store is calm, I probably don’t want to go at 5 pm when everyone is out of work!
3. Surround yourself with others who understand the challenges you face.
Though there aren't chapters upon chapters depicting the life of Mary after Jesus' death, it does seem to be that Mary wasn't left alone with her pain for very long. In John 19:27, Jesus appoints one of his apostles to care for her. And then in Acts chapter 1, we see that Mary is a part of a community. Community care matters. It mattered for Mary, and it matters for those of us with chronic illness.
When the holidays seem hard, remember who you have on your side. Is there a friend who is always checking in? A family member, sibling, or spouse who "sees you" where you’re at? Do you have an in-person or online group of like-hearts, those with a similar experience of life? When I work with families who need extra love and support, I often suggest making a list of 3-7 people who will stick with you when life feels extra hard. If it feels good, you can even let these folks know ahead of time that you'll need support. A simple text asking if they'll check in on you each week can make a huge difference!
During the holiday season, those of us with chronic illness might find ourselves at an emotional low. It may be from the physical demands of this time of year, or it might be because of something like personal expectations - which I, for one, say modify and then modify some more. Reduce the to-do list. Outsource tasks and ask for help when you can. Wrap fewer presents each day. If this feels uncomfortable, remember you are not alone here. And just like Mary, you have never been alone here, no matter how you may feel.
Here at People Hope, you can be a part of something beautiful. A container and community of humans who walk and roll through life together, during those too-hard holiday seasons and on regular days, too. We hope you’ll join us - because truly, there is safety, love, joy, and peace in numbers.
May your holiday season be brighter knowing this.
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Written by: Jennifer Magnano
Jennifer is a Jack of all trades if ever there was one! A mama, postpartum doula, author, volunteer on People Hope’s Writing Team, Jennifer’s zest for life is contagious. But her multi-passionate interests don’t stop there. Jennifer is deeply passionate about mental health and traditional kitchen medicine, she’s a true foodie at heart willing to try just about anything, and she loves animals. In fact, she is the proud owner of nine pets from four different species! When she's all grown up, she wants to make 5-year-old Jennifer proud, and we can't think of a sweeter goal than that!