In my lifetime, I’ve been on the receiving end of some pretty hilarious assumptions. Ever since I was young, I have been convinced that somewhere deep in the crevices of my parents' consciences while picking a name for me, they understood the irony of the name they chose - Dallas Starr. I’ve had twenty-one years worth of moments where I have to explain that, no, I am not from Texas, and no, I am not a Dallas Cowboys fan.
Maybe your name isn’t the reason that people make assumptions about you, but if you have a pulse, then I’m sure there’s something about you - your personality, your looks, your beliefs, your likes, your interests - that triggers assumptions to be made. And if you have a chronic illness, the chances of wrong assumptions increases drastically. I’ve come to find that while people assume funny things about my name all the time, it’s not exactly humorous when they assume something about my health. It’s sort of a sore spot for me, and I can guess I’m probably not the only chronic illness warrior who feels this way.
“I’ve come to find that while people assume funny things about my name all the time, it’s not exactly humorous when they assume something about my health.”
From assuming that if I just tried this fad diet or that magic supplement all of my illnesses will disappear, to assuming that I’m just being overly dramatic and my conditions aren’t really that bad at all, dealing with wrong assumptions as it pertains to chronic illness can be frustrating to say the least. Just like I wish I could snap my fingers and change the irony of my name, I often wish I could make people change their minds about my health too. But unfortunately, that is a superpower I do not have. What I do have is the ability to control my reaction to those assumptions when they come. So, what should our reaction be when someone assumes something not-so-hilarious about our chronic illness?
Patience.
Colossians 3:12-13 gives us this powerful perspective, “Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive” (ESV).
I’d like to believe that the majority of people we come into contact with are not trying to be hurtful or unkind with their words. Most people just simply don’t understand anything outside of their own life and circumstances. I am sure there have been many times when I have even jumped to conclusions about someone before I had the whole story, so how can I blame someone else for doing the same? Admitting that I’m no better than the next person frees me. It allows me to offer way more grace to them in their missteps, including their wrong perceptions of me.
It’s easy, especially when we’ve been hurt by a past experience, to assume the worst in others. While it’s true that some people around us are flat out assuming false things about us, sometimes we have to be willing to give others the benefit of the doubt before coming to hasty conclusions about who they are or what their intentions are. Whether it’s assuming that a doctor isn’t listening to you (because let’s face it, we’ve all had doctors that truly haven’t), or assuming that a family member’s comment was meant to be a hurtful jab at our illness, or that someone with a similar diagnosis doesn’t have as severe symptoms as they claim, assuming the worst of others should never be our initial reaction. That doesn’t mean that we can’t validate the feelings that the assumptions of others bring to the surface, it just means that our reaction when they come looks different.
“...if we’re wanting others to be patient with us in our mistakes, we should be willing to extend the same patience right back to them.”
I recognize that this is all easier said than done, and we can’t expect to get it right every time, but being patient with others as they struggle to understand where we’re coming from gets easier the more we practice it. And honestly, if we’re wanting others to be patient with us in our mistakes, we should be willing to extend the same patience right back to them. Whether you choose to hold your fiery comment back, or politely explain that you’re doing the best you can, confidently walk away from an assumption made, or take the time to calmly and gently explain to someone the error of their comment and the pain it causes, responding with patience will look different case-by-case, but the overall concept remains the same. We can’t stop the assumptions from rolling in, but we can choose to be kind and set an example of grace for those around us.
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Written by: Dallas Bryce
Don't let her name fool you, our gal Dallas is most definitely NOT from Texas. But while she may not be a Southern belle, Dallas is one of our favorite chronically ill pals! Her food of choice is, of course, tacos. Make that tacos by the beach or lakeside, and she’s as happy as a clam! And the love of her life is a very strong tie between her husband, Jesse, and her basset hound, Buster Bluey. Dallas is one of the most genuine gals you'll ever meet, filled with a passion for her faith, family, and the people God places in her life. She's always wanted to be a writer, and man oh man, are we blessed to have her on our volunteer Writing Team!